Risking Joy

I wrote not too long ago that we should leave room for joy. Lately, I've been reflecting not only on leaving room for joy, but also on allowing ourselves to experience it.

These past six weeks, I have been facilitating a men's support group, and in one of our final sessions, one of the brothers asked, "When is it okay to allow yourself to be happy?" And I paused and reflected on all the times I should've been happy, but instead, I quickly moved past or away from the emotion or suppressed it.

Eventually, we came to the conclusion as a group, which was later reiterated in one of my individual therapy sessions, that we're afraid to experience joy because we're afraid to lose joy. Therefore, we have parts of us who've learned that blocking joy would protect us from pain and disappointment.

Shortly after the question about experiencing happiness was asked, he proposed that we go around as a group and identify five things we're happily proud of, and many of us struggled. Especially as men, we tend to downplay happiness. I can't recall the last time I heard a man say "I am happy" or even name that feeling. We use other words instead—we're "good," "straight," "chilling"—anything but happy. After, I wondered if we struggled to acknowledge what made us proud because accepting our joy meant risking its loss.

Happiness is fleeting, but how can we ever enjoy it if we never acknowledge it?

Oliver Burkeman shared, "That fulfillment might lie in embracing rather than denying."

To deny what we feel and experience is to deny being human.

Suffering, sorrow, and loss are inevitable; however, these experiences allow us to know joy, triumph, and meaning.

So, leave room for joy, and allow yourself to embrace your humanity.

-Tala Drammeh